Today, I Saw You

Today, I saw you smile,
and I saw the grin spread across my face as you did.
I saw your eyes light up,
catch the glow of your monitors,
sparkle as you spoke the words that darkened my cheeks.
Today,
I saw you smile,
and I couldn’t have woken up to anything more beautiful.

Today, I saw you laugh,
the words rolling off your tongue,
despite you hating them so much,
that you speak to make me smile.
You laughed harder,
receiving a squeak proceeded by a teasing, “Fuck off”,
when I ducked down to hide my face,
or dove back on to my bed,
face down.

Today, I saw you squeak,
seeing you try to do as I did,
spitting a similar playful swear when I made one of the snap comments you very much love,
when I gently spoke your full name.
Then I laughed,
knowing the gestures were genuine,
but also knowing we enjoy the teasing competition it’s become.

Today, I saw you look at yourself,
and point out every.
Single.
Physical.
Flaw.
You.
Saw.
In yourself.
And it broke my heart,
because I saw none of that.
I never have.
I never will.

Today, I saw you roll your eyes,
calling me a hypocrite.
Earlier I had quoted to you what I had seen in class:
Others see you 20 times more attractive than you see yourself.
I disregard my own words,
while reinforcing your strengths,
both physical and not.
And when you try to do the same,
I roll my eyes and mutter a curse.
I know—
we’re both a couple of goddamn hypocrites.

Today, I saw you,
and I can’t explain how happy it made me.
Pictures are worth 1,000 words,
but seeing you laugh,
smile,
squeak and swear and try to hide,
is worth so much more.

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Author: Elendarin

Student pursuing a degree in psychology with a concentration in clinical psych. I enjoy writing, watching baseball, foreign languages, and being a massive nerd.

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