Today

Today,
I’m going to hurt you.
And for that,
I’m sorry.
But this must be done.
You must be aware.
You must see.
You must know what to expect.
You must not be caught off guard.
This is for your own well-being,
I promise.

Today,
you will see the pain,
the anger,
the sorrow,
the relief,
the forbidden emotions,
the struggle to survive,
etched without words into a soft, pale canvas.

Today,
you will see something that will upset you,
break your heart,
…cause you pain,
perhaps make you cry,
though I pray to the deities (that which neither of us believe in) that you do not.

Today,
I will show you more of what you’ve chosen,
more than you want to see,
something you must be prepared to see.
I will lead you by the hand,
with words of comfort,
in a gentle tone that you know well,
to dive beneath the surface shards,
dig deeper,
to make you bleed once more,
to get a clear view of what lies beneath.

Today,
I will show you both the distant,
…and not-so-distant past;
the possible future,
one I never intend to fulfill.

Today,
I will emotionally exhaust you,
drain you of your strength,
tire you,
wear you down,
and god forbid,
push you to your breaking point.

Today,
I will fear you decide that I am too much;
however, there will be no anger,
no pettiness,
no vindictiveness,
no hatred.
Sadness,
yes.
Tears,
yes.
Heartache,
yes.
But I only want you to see you happy,
healthy,
both emotionally and physically.
The two coincide.

Today,
I will remember something a wise man once said:
“The most pure form of love is to love someone,
not expecting anything in return.”
I will take these words,
with tears in my eyes,
but a feeble smile on my face,
and tell you I love you one last time:
“Ego amor te.”
“愛してるよ.”
“Я люблю тебя.”
“I love you.”

Today,
I risk driving you away.
But I promised you honesty,
mijn schat.
Please forgive me for this.

I just hope that,
today,
I’m not being too honest.

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Author: Elendarin

Student pursuing a degree in psychology with a concentration in clinical psych. I enjoy writing, watching baseball, foreign languages, and being a massive nerd.

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